Clueless in Lagos [December 20 series] by ‘Lanre Bucknor

It is impossible to escape the impression that people commonly use false standards of measurement – that they seek power, success and wealth for themselves and admire them in others, and that they underestimate what is of true value in life

~ Sigmund Freud

I have to keep to this tradition.

I have to keep this tradition of dropping an article to celebrate my birth anniversary but this year, I am clueless as to what to write.

Someone once asked and I quote; “have you ever felt you being too smart for you to be this broke?”, And this hit home.

The funny thing is, I am even clueless as to if I am actually smart and broke or I am broke because I am not smart.

I am clueless as to why I have to go through this much stress and achieved so little and I am even clueless if this whole thing is about me not putting in the work. I once asked my friend, ‘tunji Oladipo if I am a lazy human, of course, he stated that I am not and further stated reasons he firmly believes that I am not. But then, I am clueless as to whether Tunji regards me as his friend to the degree I regard him as one. Tunji is however a great human who have saved my skin on uncountable occasions and I am grateful for having him in my life.

This year, I haven’t been able to write so much, I think I have penned my best spoken word poetry so far nevertheless but I am clueless because I don’t even know if I have found my real purpose. I have not been able to nail down most of the things I planned on getting done this year and I question my own work rate. I question my own abilities and closeness to Almighty Allah or otherwise. I am clueless as to why I sin so much, why I don’t do much more good and what I need to do to make some of these things happen.

I am clueless as to how my believe and faith in this nation have eroded so much in one calendar year and how meaningless living in this country have become. I am clueless as to how I’d achieve my lifelong dream of leading my people to greatness will come to fruition because my people do not want to be led by visionaries and passionate human.

I am clueless as to how I am this old and not being able to get basics done. I am not going to blame this on anyone or anybody, I am going to have to retrospect and see where all went downhill. I am however clueless as to how go about the retrospection.

I am clueless on why age means so much to us humans yet success can be achieved at any period, I am so clueless as to why we forget our own story(s) easily. I am clueless as to why I leave things late to put them in motion.

I am clueless and I think it’s because I haven’t found real purpose!

Today is my birthday and I will cry not because I am clueless but will just cry to Allah for I feel that when all else fails, it’s the next best thing to do.

Serenity is a balance between good and bad, life and death, horrors and pleasures. Life is, as it were, defined by death. If there wasn’t death of things, there wouldn’t be any life to celebrate

~ Norman Davies

‘Lanre Bucknor writes from Lagos and this is just another December 20th post.

‘Lanre can be found of twitter and instagram via the @lordrooz handle. And simply Lanre Bucknor on LinkedIn and Facebook