Collective prosperity, unanswered question and rollercoaster of a year [December 20 Series] by ‘Lanre Bucknor

Our greatest fear should not be failure…. but of succeeding at things in life that doesn’t really matter.

~ Plato

It is impossible to escape the impression that people commonly use false standards of measurement – that they seek power, success and wealth for themselves and admire them in others, and that they underestimate what is of true value in life

~ Sigmund Freud

One month ago, my parent’s first child turned 40. It was a wake up call for me and a kind of an alarm system rudely reminding me of how old I have become and how still, I have loads to get done. But Mitch Albom once opined that;

“Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out“.

Twice this year, my life flashed before my very eyes, once when my friends and I were returning from one of us’ birthday, our front tyre ran off in motion and another when a gas leak explosion happened in my new home but I have seen a day old kid leave this world and I have witnessed people who have lived and loved life till they become Nonagenarians, begging to leave; the lesson herein is that, once one is delivered, be it at the legendary island maternity like My mum did me or in the dingiest room in the remotest village, one is ripe for death but I am grateful for life. I however do not think I fear death, I just fear the thought of not having done enough for humanity, to be addressed as a fulfilled human.

This last year was a rollercoaster of a year, it was lessons filled and my friends achieved a whole lot, it was a year where and when the people I love did so much with their lives, I might not have done as much but it is one year where I am extremely happy for what people close to me have been able to achieve. I felt so elated at so many periods this year at the successes recorded by people close to me despite how tough the country have become and that alone for me, is quite a big deal.

The one question on everyone’s lips in the last six or seven years of my life is about marriage, I have had to answer that one question more than once this past year again and It is due for a proper address;

I am almost certain that being married to the right person is one of the most beautiful feeling in the world, I have never had the feeling, I want to, I will feel it and by Allah, it will withstand all the tests known to man. But then, marriage isn’t something one has absolute power over, it is more of a lottery than being a deliberate act, yet one has to be deliberate about it.

I have been asked about this to the point of it being a cliche and the easiest answer I have given is that, “I’d marry when God is ready to make me someone’s husband” but the truth is, people need to stop asking this question; as some are struggling to find their feet in life, some are struggling to get a compatible partner and heck, some do not even want to get married. We as humans need to learn to see from people’s perspectives and be considerate, I’d rather have a sit down with someone who is yet to and see what help can be offered; it could be an accommodation glitch, it could even be a simple or not so simple case of not being able find or identify a partner, which is quite a thing or maybe just like me, some are finding their own demon too tough to conquer; to be a proper human first, then a proper spouse afterwards.

All said, the last year haven’t been half bad, I achieved some of the things I have been working towards, I made friends, I lost some and I learnt a whole lot about how the human heart operates, I learnt to define and respect my place in people’s lives, I learnt that you could mean well yet be seen as being terribly bad but ultimately, people end up seeing through us, as time has a way of making things clear.

I lost money, I lost time, I am yet to conquer my negative tendencies fully but I gained much more, as I had the privilege of not losing my way, my life and my existence thus, we will give it a go again in this new year.

My father (May his undoings be forgiven), told us about names being golden; to protect it with everything we’ve got and never compromise it in return for anything in the world. He said, “know thy Rabb and worship no man, for man will never do anything except what God has permitted him to do, dance to the songs of the crowd if you will but never ever compromise on listening to voices of reason. Praise sing no mortal but appreciate good deeds and never ever forget whatever good you’ve been availed, no matter how minute it seem”.

I have tried as much to uphold these virtues as long as I have lived, I’d keep trying, I’d try as much to worship no man and I will do all I can to be the best kind of human possible.

Today is my birthday as I was told, it’s a year off when I am scheduled to leave the surface of the earth, I still haven’t gotten my life together but I am very grateful to Almighty Allah for life and living.

And like I did on the day I was born, I will cry if I want to.

Serenity is a balance between good and bad, life and death, horrors and pleasures. Life is, as it were, defined by death. If there wasn’t death of things, there wouldn’t be any life to celebrate

~ Norman Davies

‘Lanre Bucknor writes from Lagos and this is nothing more than just another December 20 series.